final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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