i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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