Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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