so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
