Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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