I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
