Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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