Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
