he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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