i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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