Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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