i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
