I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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