were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
