If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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