Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
