Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
