D3 body, D1 cock
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
