dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
