you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
