This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
