Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
