question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
