There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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