I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
