Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
