I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
