my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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