wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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