I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
