Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
