In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
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Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
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Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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