you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
