just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize