Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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