im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize