Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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