hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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