can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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