I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
