you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
