wrigley field is MILF paradise
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i will never coherently bang her
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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