just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
