guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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