The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
