Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
