dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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