Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
