his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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