And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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