Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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