he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I think people are normalizing furries
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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