The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
