I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
