Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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