Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
