I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
