You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
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Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
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she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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