I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
