Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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