is your mom at the bar?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
