I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Randomize
