i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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