The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
