My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
