now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
