I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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